The Root: Choosing Values Without Validation

At first, I thought my roots grew toward others.
That love, recognition, and belonging
were the water that kept me alive.
But when the river dried up,
I found the roots reached deeper than I knew —
drawing strength from the unseen.

The sharpest disillusionment was not only realizing that others didn’t share my values — but that part of me wanted them to. I wanted recognition. I wanted love. I wanted to be told I was right, that what I was doing mattered, that my way of living was valid because it was seen.

And that desire made me just like them. The same grasping for approval, the same hunger to be validated. I had to admit it to myself: even though I thought I was living for my values alone, I was still waiting for someone else to confirm them.

But the truth is, that confirmation may never come. People may never show up. They may never believe with me, never reflect my effort, never validate my choices.

And resilience, I’ve come to see, is choosing my values anyway.

Not because they win applause. Not because they earn me belonging. But because they are mine — unnamed, unapproved, unvalidated — and still alive in me.

This is the root: what I hold to without needing to explain or defend it, what I return to even when no one else understands. Not values borrowed or performed, but values chosen, lived, and kept — whether or not the world sees them.

Ritual Invitation

On a page, write down three values you know are alive in you.
Notice if any part of you still longs for recognition of them.
Then circle the one you would choose even if no one ever noticed.
Whisper over it: “This is my root. I choose it anyway.”

Your Turn

Have you felt the grief of wanting your values to be validated by others?
What happens when you choose them anyway, even in silence?
Share your reflection — your words may help someone else untangle their own roots.