The Anchor: Validating Yourself Through Ritual

When the waves rise,
the anchor holds.
Validation begins not in others,
but in the ground we claim for ourselves.

After trust breaks, there’s often a quiet ache that lingers: Was it me? Did I deserve this? Self-doubt seeps in, even when the facts show otherwise.

This week, I’ve noticed how quickly my mind wants to make someone else’s inconsistency about me. A canceled plan becomes proof I’m not worth the effort. A broken promise becomes evidence that maybe I expected too much. It’s astonishing how fast the story can turn inward — even when, logically, I know their choices belong to them.

Researchers in self-esteem and resilience remind us that our sense of value cannot rest entirely on external validation (Neff, 2011 – Self-Compassion). When it does, we drift — tossed by every current of someone else’s approval or rejection.

The anchor, then, is self-validation. It’s not about ignoring others or pretending we don’t care. It’s about grounding ourselves in truth: This happened, and I am still worthy. This hurt, and I am still whole.

Ritual has been one of the strongest anchors for me. Lighting a candle, journaling the facts, whispering words of affirmation — small acts that remind me I belong to myself. They don’t erase the storm, but they keep me steady while it passes.

Self-validation is not selfish. It is survival. And the more we practice it, the less we’re at risk of tying our worth to someone else’s mask, fracture, or denial.

Ritual Invitation

Place both hands over your heart.
Speak three truths aloud: one about your strength, one about your care, and one about your worth.
Whisper: “This is my anchor. I belong to myself.”
Breathe deeply and let the words settle into your body.

Your Turn

What anchors you when self-doubt begins to creep in?
Share a few lines below — your words may become an anchor for someone else.